She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
