one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
