Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
