Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just invented taco cereal.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize