I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
