Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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