you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
