There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
