You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
