your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
