I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize