All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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