oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
