The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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