She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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