Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
