I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
