I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
