So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
