The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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