Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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