i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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