fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
