I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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