Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
