so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
last night I used snow as a chaser
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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