her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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