Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
