Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
