separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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