You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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