His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
