apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
