You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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