better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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