I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
