Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
