Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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