i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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