Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Vodka?
Forever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Never underestimate the power of titties
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
