I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
