Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
