I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
