dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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