put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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