help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
