I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
