Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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