I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
