Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
