Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
