Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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