I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
