today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
