its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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