Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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