Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
what day is it and did you see me today?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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