Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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