He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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