you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
