I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So vagazzling was a success
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
