Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
