And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
