This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel great
I just peed on a car
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
